Put on the New Parent

“Fathers*, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” –Ephesians 6:4

*Note: The new NIV includes a footnote here that says “Or Parents.” Which one is it? The original Greek word (patéres) can indeed refer to mothers and fathers, but Paul usually used a different word (goneúsin) when he wanted to talk about both parents. This seems to be the case in Ephesians 6:1-4. Paul talks about “parents” in verse 1, but he changes his word choice to “fathers” in verse 4. I can’t think of any reason why Paul would do this unless he was referring to fathers in particular. In Greco-Roman culture, the father was primarily responsible for the education of children (Ephesians by Andrew Lincoln, page 406). Since Paul wrote to Christians in Asia Minor who followed this cultural norm, it would have been appropriate to address this concern towards fathers.  However, this doesn’t mean that Ephesians 6:4 is only for fathers today. In our culture, both parents are responsible for the education of children. If Paul were writing to us today, he would have said, “Parents, do not exasperate your children.” In other words, mothers should heed the instruction of Ephesians 6:4 too.

If you want to live the new life God has given you, you have to be a new parent. Paul said, “Put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires… put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness (Ephesians 4:22-24).” The fathers that Paul wrote to in Asia Minor apparently had some anger problems, and it affected their children. Paul had warned against anger earlier in Ephesians 4:26, and now he tells fathers not to exasperate their children.

It can be easy to get mad at children. They have a sinful nature and it shows! However, this doesn’t mean you should treat them insensitively. Your goal is to redirect your children, not to crush them. Don’t be so harsh with your children that they become disheartened. Children make many mistakes, but God calls you to be patient and gentle. Do your best to cultivate an attitude of love in your family, especially when you discipline your children.

Paul provided his readers with a different way to parent in the next line: “Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” The Greek word for “training” means education and discipline. The next word, “instruction,” further defines this training as verbal admonition or correction. Paul is talking about how you should guide your children with your words. Your training and instruction is to resemble how Christ the Lord would train and instruct. Are you the kind of parent Jesus would be? Jesus was firm with his disciples. He never let sin slide. He taught his disciples to be humble and repentant. But at the same time, Jesus was gentle. He put up with the disciples’ sinful thoughts and he modeled unconditional love.

Next time you train and instruct your children, do it like Jesus would. Speak with both firmness and gentleness. Put on the new parent.

By God’s grace,

Pastor Stephen